THE ART OF TURNING

Today's lesson is all about the art of turning ... now one would think that this topic shouldn't require covering, as turning is not all that difficult ... WRONG!! There are a lot of MORONS out there that prove that turning is harder then one would think! So, for all you morons out there (and for everyone else who needs a recap - and believe me, you need a recap) let's begin:

According to manual "Roadsense for Driver's":

"Signals are important — they let other traffic know what you are intending to do. You should signal when preparing to:
• turn left or right
• change lanes
• park
• move toward, or away from, the side of the road."

DID YOU HEAR THAT???? USE YOUR $#^& SIGNAL!!!! Other driver's ARE NOT mind-readers. They do not know that you are thinking about turning or changing lanes or pulling off the road ... that's what your $#^& signal is for! Okay, now that we've covered that ...

Next, let's discuss turning lanes ... When entering a turning lane it is important to enter COMPLETELY into the turning lane. And did you use your signal light?????? It is not proper to pull half into the turning lane, while still remaining half in the regular lane. MORON, YOU'RE IMPEDING TRAFFIC - get your ass out of the regular lane! There is only one exception to this, and that is when traffic is backed up and there is no room (because of a line-up) for you to move completely into the turning lane. Otherwise, you have no excuse and really if you can't figure this out then your license should be taken away and blown up because you are not fit to be on the road!

Alright, let's discuss the stop line ... Now I know, this really isn't about turning, but bear with me ... When you pull up to a stop sign, a stop light, etc. you will usually see a white line painted onto the road. THIS IS CALLED THE STOP LINE. Now I know this is confusing, but this line means you have to stop behind it. Now here's the complicated part ... allow me to explain behind to you. Behind DOES NOT mean ahead of it (shocking, I know) and it also DOES NOT mean 6 car lengths behind it! Stop at the line, with your front bumper slightly behind it. Now let me explain what this has to do with the art of turning ... You see, when you are turning on a light with an advance turning signal (i.e. those who are turning get to go before those who are going straight - in case you were confused) and you stop 6 car lengths behind the stop line, the trigger for the advance turning light DOESN'T WORK. This pisses off your fellow drivers because it can cause them not to have the opportunity to turn on that light and if you had pulled up, that wouldn't have happened.

"There are rules about where you position your vehicle when you have to stop at an intersection:

• Where there is a stop line, stop just before the line
• Where there is a crosswalk but no stop line, stop just before the crosswalk
• Where there is an unmarked crosswalk, stop where you would if there were a marked crosswalk
• Where there is no stop line, no crosswalk and no sidewalk, stop just before you enter the intersection."

PLEASE NOTE: IF YOU CANNOT SEE THE WHITE LINE, BECAUSE YOU CAN BARELY SEE OVER YOUR STEERING WHEEL OR YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH BLIND, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD RE-THINK DRIVING. PLEASE TURN IN YOUR LICENSE AND I WILL GLADLY DESTROY IT FOR YOU.

Now that we've discussed the stop line, let's discuss some intersection etiquette. Here's a new phrase that I think is important for you to learn:

"RIGHT-OF-WAY: Rules that determine who should yield when more than one road user wants to move into the same space. It’s important to know these rules because they keep traffic moving in an orderly way."

If you don't know these rules ... well, you really need to take driving lessons or burn your license ... Anyways, here are some tips for making a turn at an intersection:

1. Green means go only if the intersection is clear, and it is safe to do so.
2. When you are making a left turn, you must yield to oncoming traffic and wait for a safe gap before you turn.
3. Do not stop in an intersection.
4. Don’t block the path of emergency vehicles.

When it's your turn to enter the intersection, it is important to remember the following:

• Keep your wheels straight and stay out of the other driver's lanes until you are able to safely make your turn.
• Don't block the intersection (see #3 above)!!!!

This has really only just barely scratched the surface of the art of turning, but I must end today's lesson ... let's do a quick recap:

1. USE YOUR $^& SIGNAL LIGHT!
2. LEARN THE 'RIGHT-OF-WAY' RULES AND USE THEM!
3. SHARE THE ROAD AND THE INTERSECTION!

Lastly, remember that you are not the only driver out there ... and for gawd's sake THINK about what you're doing out there. It is much to easy to get into an accident and you wouldn't want your family or loved ones being injured. DRIVE SAFE!