If you're able to read this post, you're too close!!!

Okay, there is nothing I hate more than TAILGATERS ... For gawd's sake, GET OFF MY ASS!!!!

They're dangerous and they make me nervous ...

Really, you aren't going to get there any #$^*ing sooner by riding my ass ... More then likely, you're going to cause an accident!

I don't know what it is about summer, but I swear to gawd that people get stupider ... Maybe the heat fries peoples brains or something. As soon as the weather gets nicer, the asshole driver's abound. Plus there's tourists and then there's Alberta driver's (don't even get me started on them). It's a total gong show out there.

I can't wait to the day that we can teleport everywhere and then I don't have to worry about some asshole driver on my ass :)

THE ART OF TURNING

Today's lesson is all about the art of turning ... now one would think that this topic shouldn't require covering, as turning is not all that difficult ... WRONG!! There are a lot of MORONS out there that prove that turning is harder then one would think! So, for all you morons out there (and for everyone else who needs a recap - and believe me, you need a recap) let's begin:

According to manual "Roadsense for Driver's":

"Signals are important — they let other traffic know what you are intending to do. You should signal when preparing to:
• turn left or right
• change lanes
• park
• move toward, or away from, the side of the road."

DID YOU HEAR THAT???? USE YOUR $#^& SIGNAL!!!! Other driver's ARE NOT mind-readers. They do not know that you are thinking about turning or changing lanes or pulling off the road ... that's what your $#^& signal is for! Okay, now that we've covered that ...

Next, let's discuss turning lanes ... When entering a turning lane it is important to enter COMPLETELY into the turning lane. And did you use your signal light?????? It is not proper to pull half into the turning lane, while still remaining half in the regular lane. MORON, YOU'RE IMPEDING TRAFFIC - get your ass out of the regular lane! There is only one exception to this, and that is when traffic is backed up and there is no room (because of a line-up) for you to move completely into the turning lane. Otherwise, you have no excuse and really if you can't figure this out then your license should be taken away and blown up because you are not fit to be on the road!

Alright, let's discuss the stop line ... Now I know, this really isn't about turning, but bear with me ... When you pull up to a stop sign, a stop light, etc. you will usually see a white line painted onto the road. THIS IS CALLED THE STOP LINE. Now I know this is confusing, but this line means you have to stop behind it. Now here's the complicated part ... allow me to explain behind to you. Behind DOES NOT mean ahead of it (shocking, I know) and it also DOES NOT mean 6 car lengths behind it! Stop at the line, with your front bumper slightly behind it. Now let me explain what this has to do with the art of turning ... You see, when you are turning on a light with an advance turning signal (i.e. those who are turning get to go before those who are going straight - in case you were confused) and you stop 6 car lengths behind the stop line, the trigger for the advance turning light DOESN'T WORK. This pisses off your fellow drivers because it can cause them not to have the opportunity to turn on that light and if you had pulled up, that wouldn't have happened.

"There are rules about where you position your vehicle when you have to stop at an intersection:

• Where there is a stop line, stop just before the line
• Where there is a crosswalk but no stop line, stop just before the crosswalk
• Where there is an unmarked crosswalk, stop where you would if there were a marked crosswalk
• Where there is no stop line, no crosswalk and no sidewalk, stop just before you enter the intersection."

PLEASE NOTE: IF YOU CANNOT SEE THE WHITE LINE, BECAUSE YOU CAN BARELY SEE OVER YOUR STEERING WHEEL OR YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH BLIND, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD RE-THINK DRIVING. PLEASE TURN IN YOUR LICENSE AND I WILL GLADLY DESTROY IT FOR YOU.

Now that we've discussed the stop line, let's discuss some intersection etiquette. Here's a new phrase that I think is important for you to learn:

"RIGHT-OF-WAY: Rules that determine who should yield when more than one road user wants to move into the same space. It’s important to know these rules because they keep traffic moving in an orderly way."

If you don't know these rules ... well, you really need to take driving lessons or burn your license ... Anyways, here are some tips for making a turn at an intersection:

1. Green means go only if the intersection is clear, and it is safe to do so.
2. When you are making a left turn, you must yield to oncoming traffic and wait for a safe gap before you turn.
3. Do not stop in an intersection.
4. Don’t block the path of emergency vehicles.

When it's your turn to enter the intersection, it is important to remember the following:

• Keep your wheels straight and stay out of the other driver's lanes until you are able to safely make your turn.
• Don't block the intersection (see #3 above)!!!!

This has really only just barely scratched the surface of the art of turning, but I must end today's lesson ... let's do a quick recap:

1. USE YOUR $^& SIGNAL LIGHT!
2. LEARN THE 'RIGHT-OF-WAY' RULES AND USE THEM!
3. SHARE THE ROAD AND THE INTERSECTION!

Lastly, remember that you are not the only driver out there ... and for gawd's sake THINK about what you're doing out there. It is much to easy to get into an accident and you wouldn't want your family or loved ones being injured. DRIVE SAFE!

Death Trap

I was driving home one day this week and I saw something that made me VERY angry ...

What could possibly make you VERY angry you ask???

There was a women, who was driving an older vehicle. She was driving very aggressively, weaving in and out of rush hour traffic. Not a big deal right? Well, it is ... aggressive driving is the cause of many accidents and accident related mortalities. Oh, but it gets worse ... I notice that she has a baby strapped into a car seat in the back ... And even worse, I notice that she is smoking in the car ... WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP!

WTF?!?!

I cannot believe that with all of the knowledge we now have about the danger of smoking, that ANYONE would (A) smoke in their car with the windows rolled up, or (B) smoke around children. Never mind driving in a dangerous fashion, especially in heavy traffic, with a kid in the car!

I think that anyone that smokes with children in the car, windows rolled up or not, should be charged with child endangerment and have their children removed from their care. Not only are you killing yourself, but you are killing someone who is unable to make their own choice. This also goes for parents who smoke in a vehicle that children will ride in ... cigarette smoke clings to things. Does your child really need to get 2nd hand smoke from their car seat or the seat they sit in?????

That really pisses me off!!!! So for all you parents out there who smoke ... wait the five freaking moments until you can smoke away from your children. Better yet, make the decision to quit for their and your health. They will thank you for it and you will thank you for it too.

For more information on the dangers of smoking, check out what the Canadian Cancer Society has to say.

S-M-R-T Smart

Earlier this week, when driving to work, I witnessed a most stupid example of driving ... Picture a young, blond woman driving a little car. One hand on the steering wheel, the other with cell phone in hand and glued to the ear. This young woman is talking quite animately on the phone. She approaches an intersection, the light is red. She doesn't stop and breezes right through ... but its okay, because she's used her signal and everyone knows her intention to turn. EXCEPT SHE SIGNALED LEFT AND THEN TURNED RIGHT!!! On a red light, without stopping, and talking on her cell phone all the while. Yeah.

Hang up that $#%& phone!

**NEW CONTENT**

I am sick & tired of being cut off or almost killed by morons talking on their cell phones!!! For gawd's sake - buy a hands free unit! They are cheap ... you can get one for under $20. Which would you rather, $20 now or lots of money later because of your sheer stupidity????

Almost every day when I'm driving, where ever it is I have to go, I see some dumb fuck with a cell phone to their ear ... Once I even saw some chick driving down the road sending a text message or using her mobile browser on her cell phone in one hand and putting lipstick on in her rear view mirror at the same time! What are you people thinking???? You can't hold the phone to your ear & maneuver in traffic at the same time. It just isn't humanly possible!

I took a cognitive psychology class last semester ... we learned that when we process information, what we are paying the most attention to gets the most processing (ie. brain) power. So picture this. Chick is driving down the road, cell phone to her ear ... hands flailing wildly about the car as she tells her g/f about the horror of breaking a nail ... How much processing or brain power do you think is going towards driving? Not much! (see, I did learn something in cognitive psych class!)

The other major offenders are business people. Not only do I see them driving down the road, but they're usually writing stuff down or reaching for crap out of their briefcases too. Get out of my %$#@-ing lane and pay attention moron! Even worse is the morons in company vehicles ... companies, what are you thinking???? If your employee is driving a vehicle with YOUR name on it, don't you want them to drive with as much care as possible to maintain your stellar reputation? Buy them a hands-free unit or enforce a pull-over policy!

Now, I'm not perfect. I've been known to talk on my cell phone while driving. BEFORE you start calling me a hypocrite, I would like to point out that I ALWAYS use my hands free device. If I'm calling someone, I dial BEFORE I start driving and if someone is calling me all I have to do is push any button on my phone. This means I am NOT taking my eyes off the road and both my hands can be on the wheel.

I'm realistic ... I realize that pretty much everyone and their dog is using a cell phone nowadays and we are used to the convenience of being able to talk on the phone anywhere/anytime. I'm not saying that we should have a big bonfire and burn all the cell phones out there. What I AM SAYING is that anyone who is using their cell phone while driving MUST USE a hands-free device. All you morons out there who refuse to spend the money to get one should be fined out your nose. It's fuckers like you who cause accidents!

Today's lesson? Buy a fucking hands-free unit already! DRIVE SAFE EVERYONE!