August 7, 2008
9:00pm
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Company Car

Do you drive a company vehicle? Cuz if you do, take note ... And I'll say this really slowly for all you morons out there ...

When you are driving a company vehicle, you are representing your company.

Now this may seem like common sense to most people, but quite obviously there are a lot of idiots out there that don't get this.

Things you should not do when driving a company vehicle:

1. Drive like a moron
2. Cut people off
3. Tailgate people
4. Drive aggressively
5. Talk on your cellphone while weaving in and out of your lane
6. Smoke (I think its a poor representation of your company and really its just disgusting - I'm biased)
7. Park like an asshole

I mean, really, no good driver should be doing these things anyways ... but when you do it in the company car you are giving people somewhere specific to send their wrath. Whether your the boss or an employee, by driving like a moron you are hurting your business.

Think about it ...

When I see someone in a company vehicle doing crap like that I make a mental note of who it was. This gets factored in my decision on whether or not to frequent your business. I may bad mouth your business to people I know, who then tell it to people that they know. If your being particularly stupid, I may phone the business (since the number is usually plastered all over the vehicle) and complain. If you're being particularly dangerous, I won't think twice about calling the police to report your dangerous driving ass.

Doesn't that all sound bad for business?
A couple of weeks ago I was cut off on the highway by a company truck pulling out who couldn't wait until the gap after my vehicle (as in there were NO vehicles behind me) and I had to slam my brakes on from doing the highway speed limit (note he was at a complete stop, not on the highway, prior to pulling in front of me). Today, at a busy grocery store parking lot, there was an asshole in a company truck parked diagonally across 3 parking spaces. Not only that, but the truck was also sticking out into the lot and impeding the flow. You're telling me you couldn't take the extra 2 seconds to park like everyone else in the fucking lot?!? Those are 2 businesses that I have made a point to bad mouth and will continue to do so. Both were complete inconsiderate assholes.

If you are a moron driver, you should not be driving the company vehicle. And bosses, owners, etc. - be responsible for who you are putting behind the wheel of the company car. Make sure they have a clean driving record. Better yet, make them take a professional driving course and update it on a regular basis to make sure they are skilled. Your drivers represent YOUR company. Think about it!

If you're able to read this post, you're too close!!!

Okay, there is nothing I hate more than TAILGATERS ... For gawd's sake, GET OFF MY ASS!!!!

They're dangerous and they make me nervous ...

Really, you aren't going to get there any #$^*ing sooner by riding my ass ... More then likely, you're going to cause an accident!

I don't know what it is about summer, but I swear to gawd that people get stupider ... Maybe the heat fries peoples brains or something. As soon as the weather gets nicer, the asshole driver's abound. Plus there's tourists and then there's Alberta driver's (don't even get me started on them). It's a total gong show out there.

I can't wait to the day that we can teleport everywhere and then I don't have to worry about some asshole driver on my ass :)

THE ART OF TURNING

Today's lesson is all about the art of turning ... now one would think that this topic shouldn't require covering, as turning is not all that difficult ... WRONG!! There are a lot of MORONS out there that prove that turning is harder then one would think! So, for all you morons out there (and for everyone else who needs a recap - and believe me, you need a recap) let's begin:

According to manual "Roadsense for Driver's":

"Signals are important — they let other traffic know what you are intending to do. You should signal when preparing to:
• turn left or right
• change lanes
• park
• move toward, or away from, the side of the road."

DID YOU HEAR THAT???? USE YOUR $#^& SIGNAL!!!! Other driver's ARE NOT mind-readers. They do not know that you are thinking about turning or changing lanes or pulling off the road ... that's what your $#^& signal is for! Okay, now that we've covered that ...

Next, let's discuss turning lanes ... When entering a turning lane it is important to enter COMPLETELY into the turning lane. And did you use your signal light?????? It is not proper to pull half into the turning lane, while still remaining half in the regular lane. MORON, YOU'RE IMPEDING TRAFFIC - get your ass out of the regular lane! There is only one exception to this, and that is when traffic is backed up and there is no room (because of a line-up) for you to move completely into the turning lane. Otherwise, you have no excuse and really if you can't figure this out then your license should be taken away and blown up because you are not fit to be on the road!

Alright, let's discuss the stop line ... Now I know, this really isn't about turning, but bear with me ... When you pull up to a stop sign, a stop light, etc. you will usually see a white line painted onto the road. THIS IS CALLED THE STOP LINE. Now I know this is confusing, but this line means you have to stop behind it. Now here's the complicated part ... allow me to explain behind to you. Behind DOES NOT mean ahead of it (shocking, I know) and it also DOES NOT mean 6 car lengths behind it! Stop at the line, with your front bumper slightly behind it. Now let me explain what this has to do with the art of turning ... You see, when you are turning on a light with an advance turning signal (i.e. those who are turning get to go before those who are going straight - in case you were confused) and you stop 6 car lengths behind the stop line, the trigger for the advance turning light DOESN'T WORK. This pisses off your fellow drivers because it can cause them not to have the opportunity to turn on that light and if you had pulled up, that wouldn't have happened.

"There are rules about where you position your vehicle when you have to stop at an intersection:

• Where there is a stop line, stop just before the line
• Where there is a crosswalk but no stop line, stop just before the crosswalk
• Where there is an unmarked crosswalk, stop where you would if there were a marked crosswalk
• Where there is no stop line, no crosswalk and no sidewalk, stop just before you enter the intersection."

PLEASE NOTE: IF YOU CANNOT SEE THE WHITE LINE, BECAUSE YOU CAN BARELY SEE OVER YOUR STEERING WHEEL OR YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH BLIND, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD RE-THINK DRIVING. PLEASE TURN IN YOUR LICENSE AND I WILL GLADLY DESTROY IT FOR YOU.

Now that we've discussed the stop line, let's discuss some intersection etiquette. Here's a new phrase that I think is important for you to learn:

"RIGHT-OF-WAY: Rules that determine who should yield when more than one road user wants to move into the same space. It’s important to know these rules because they keep traffic moving in an orderly way."

If you don't know these rules ... well, you really need to take driving lessons or burn your license ... Anyways, here are some tips for making a turn at an intersection:

1. Green means go only if the intersection is clear, and it is safe to do so.
2. When you are making a left turn, you must yield to oncoming traffic and wait for a safe gap before you turn.
3. Do not stop in an intersection.
4. Don’t block the path of emergency vehicles.

When it's your turn to enter the intersection, it is important to remember the following:

• Keep your wheels straight and stay out of the other driver's lanes until you are able to safely make your turn.
• Don't block the intersection (see #3 above)!!!!

This has really only just barely scratched the surface of the art of turning, but I must end today's lesson ... let's do a quick recap:

1. USE YOUR $^& SIGNAL LIGHT!
2. LEARN THE 'RIGHT-OF-WAY' RULES AND USE THEM!
3. SHARE THE ROAD AND THE INTERSECTION!

Lastly, remember that you are not the only driver out there ... and for gawd's sake THINK about what you're doing out there. It is much to easy to get into an accident and you wouldn't want your family or loved ones being injured. DRIVE SAFE!

Death Trap

I was driving home one day this week and I saw something that made me VERY angry ...

What could possibly make you VERY angry you ask???

There was a women, who was driving an older vehicle. She was driving very aggressively, weaving in and out of rush hour traffic. Not a big deal right? Well, it is ... aggressive driving is the cause of many accidents and accident related mortalities. Oh, but it gets worse ... I notice that she has a baby strapped into a car seat in the back ... And even worse, I notice that she is smoking in the car ... WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP!

WTF?!?!

I cannot believe that with all of the knowledge we now have about the danger of smoking, that ANYONE would (A) smoke in their car with the windows rolled up, or (B) smoke around children. Never mind driving in a dangerous fashion, especially in heavy traffic, with a kid in the car!

I think that anyone that smokes with children in the car, windows rolled up or not, should be charged with child endangerment and have their children removed from their care. Not only are you killing yourself, but you are killing someone who is unable to make their own choice. This also goes for parents who smoke in a vehicle that children will ride in ... cigarette smoke clings to things. Does your child really need to get 2nd hand smoke from their car seat or the seat they sit in?????

That really pisses me off!!!! So for all you parents out there who smoke ... wait the five freaking moments until you can smoke away from your children. Better yet, make the decision to quit for their and your health. They will thank you for it and you will thank you for it too.

For more information on the dangers of smoking, check out what the Canadian Cancer Society has to say.